you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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