either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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