Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
