I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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