haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
