The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
