i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
