Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
