i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
