i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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