piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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