I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
