Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
