What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
