you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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