someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
