awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize