i barfeds in our rink
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
