Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
