he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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