You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
