i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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