I am puke
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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