why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
