Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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