k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
