His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize