Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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