if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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