No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
