Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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