Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
