i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
