the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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