dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
