I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize