Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
