I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
