lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
