we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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