I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
