I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
