you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
