I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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