I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
