just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
