Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
