In the future we'll all be gay
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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