They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
