Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
