drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
