is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
