mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
