The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
