my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
