Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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