Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What a dumb baby whore.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
did i just pee glitter
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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