if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
