when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
