Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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