We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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