I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
