grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
