Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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