Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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