I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Im part way to drunk.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
