true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
