Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize