You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize