all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
