My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if only i could text you this smell
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He has the fingertips of a God
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize