and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
