Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
