We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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